Pink, purple, orange, and reds. Can you guess what I’m looking at while writing on this chilly spring night? 

If you guessed a beautiful sunset, you’re right. 

I feel like I haven’t seen a sunset in forever. I don’t know if by the time the sun is setting I’m so fatigued that I don’t get out to watch it or I just have been occupied with something else. Tonight I was on the couch watching TV and spending time with Bertie when I looked through the kitchen window and saw the most beautiful sunset. It literally took my breath away and made my eyes fill up with tears. I automatically jumped off the couch (more like rolled myself off the couch) and headed outside. The first thing I did was thank God for allowing me to see this. 

I’ve been in a dark place for the past couple of weeks mentally, emotionally, and physically. I needed to have some happiness and joy seep into my life. This sunset was it, so I took a picture. It was so beautiful with all the purple, pinks and oranges intertwined with each other like a beautiful oil painting. I look at it and really wondered how people cannot believe in God because of natural beauties like sunsets. I feel like God gives us little glimpses of Heaven when we need to be reminded that He is the ultimate provider. He is the one true King that all of our trust has to go into. He made the Heavens and the Earth and He is the Alpha and Omega. Seeing the sunset tonight has brought me so much joy and comfort that I needed at this moment.

Now, I am going to get into my feels, so if I were you I probably would get a tissue–  or if you don’t wanna be sad, just stop reading. I see this sunset and it makes me think about what Heaven is going to be like. Are there going to be paintings in the sky of red, oranges, and pinks every night, or is there not going to be nightfall at all? Are there going to be lakes where I can sit on the banks and watch sunsets and fish with my heavenly brother and sisters? Are God and I going to have a coffee, watching the sunsets talking about life? Are we going to see our dogs that have gone before us? These are things that cross my mind often. I think God doesn’t want us to know the answers to the questions quite yet because it would ruin the surprise. I know you are thinking, “Taylor, don’t be thinking about that stuff. You are too young”. True, I don’t want to die young, but I’ve not been given the best outcome with my diagnosis. So, I have to look at the bright side of it. I get to experience Heaven a lot sooner than most people. Who knows, though?  I might be totally wrong and God might perform a miracle for me. I know that would be the coolest thing ever. I’m not saying it couldn’t happen, but my chances of living till mid 30s are not looking the best. But I’m not crossing anything out at the moment. 

 If anyone can say life is unfair I think I have the right to say it. It dealt me a hand that no one wants and that no one should be dealt, but that’s how life is. We can thank Adam and Eve for that. (Insert Eye Roll). At times like the past couple of weeks, I’ve wanted to just bathe in my sorrow and feel sorry for myself. I’ve gained a total of 100lbs since August due to steroids, I am constantly in a bad mood, I’m on so many medicines that have so many side effects, and everyone else’s life just looks better. I have people still tell me how bad their life is and I just want to cuss them out and pull a Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia moment on them. (If you haven’t seen the Whites, look them up. They’ll give you a laugh.) With all that said, I can’t act like that and be all upset with everyone. It’s not their fault I have cancer, and their situation in their eyes is just as bad as mine. 

Tonight, though, this sunset has really put me in a better mood and given me happiness, joy and a little bit of hope that was needed to get me out of that funk. I’m still fatigued, physically worn down, and mentally exhausted, but that sunset has really made me feel joy. It’s given me a glimmer of hope that God is working in my life and in my family’s life to help us prosper and heal.